Suck My Pie

This is the first week of online classes at KCKCC. I’m taking 3 classes: General Biology, the Psychology of Personal Adjustment, and Social Psychology. The two psychology classes have been fairly rudimentary so far, mostly just introductions and syllabus quizzes, etc. I have started work in the biology text, reading a basic introduction about life and science. I got through it without much trouble. I don’t know yet what to expect from any of these classes, but I still expect that will be fairly simple, particularly because none of them involve any long-term projects, just tests and weekly homework.

I’m down to 2 choices for piano teacher, because the first teacher I tried to contact is far too busy for me, apparently. My choices are down to the Carnegie Art Center and a private tutor. I’m eager to get to a point where I can just kick ass on the piano. Practice, practice, practice.

I sent in my application to the Boy Scout council to be a merit badge counselor. I may have said this before, but I’m hoping to teach 4 merit badges: Computers, Journalism, Reading, and Scholarship. I think it would be an interesting experience. There is an upcoming merit badge conference on Ft. Leavenworth that I’d like to participate in, but I guess we’ll see. I have a lot of ideas for the Computers merit badge, but not so many for Journalism. It’s kind of hard to make newspapers and radio interesting.

Tonight I cooked a peanut butter pie, based on a recipe from Good Eats on the Food Network. It was highly complicated, and I learned two things: Oreo crusts are not worth making on your own (just buy them), and do all the work at once, from making the peanut butter to putting the pie together. Transferring peanut butter from food processor to jar back to food processor is a pain. So yeah. I have yet to taste it, but it’s in the fridge cooling off.

That’s about it, really. Things are kind of uneventful right now. I mean, really, really, uneventful. Let’s hope exciting things happen soon.

Discussing Oneself

Today was my second day in group therapy at Research Psychiatric Center. Compared to many other patients, my problems are far less pressing or serious. Most of the time I talk about what’s going on in my life, I feel like I am wasting everyone’s time. I also talk about how I feel like I’m not getting anything accomplished when I’m at home, largely because I just surf the net and watch television. However, I have been going to the gym three times a week, as planned, and I also meet with a trainer to keep my fat ass accountable.

Anyway, I’m hoping to get around to taking care of stuff soon, and I am actively making plans to get back to being active. You heard me. I’m hoping to return to playing the piano, and I want to find a place in town to take lessons. I’m looking at a couple of places, and I’m planning on taking it more seriously than when I did as kid.

In terms of other desires, I have decided I want to pursue psychology, at least for now. I don’t know what I will think about it, having taken only general psych, but I’m taking a couple more classes online from KCKCC this spring, so hopefully that will give me a good experience. I’m still looking at finishing my math degree at Park University next school year, and I recently applied for financial aid for transfer students. Because my cumulative GPA is above 3.9, I have a pretty good chance of getting a full ride, at least for one year.

My other random dream is to actually write something, like a complicated novel or really anything that another human being might actually read and enjoy. I’m not sure I have the talent at this point, but I’m going to start working on it if it kills me.

When I finally finish the partial hospitalization program, I will be able to return to reading, movies, and video games. I am still holding off on those activities until my memory seems to be mostly back to normal. I will also have more time to spend doing such things, as well as my fascinating (I hope) online courses. I’m sick of being in Kansas City after these two months of treatment, and I’d just like to be more active. Maybe soon.

Of course there’s other assorted shit going on, but none of it is really worth mentioning. I suppose the above doesn’t really qualify either. Sigh.

Practical Problems of Memory Loss

As I mentioned in a previous note, I am undergoing electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), which causes rather serious short-term memory loss. I have yet to find out if I will recover the memories I have lost as a part of the treatment, and I won’t know for sure until a few weeks after I finish my final treatment. Right now my psychiatrist has reduced me to one treatment a week (from three), and I will start seeing my regular psychiatrist again for medication management. I have noticed some improvement in my mood, and I hope to keep things stable with meds and psychotherapy after I finish ECT.

Plans for the future include taking more classes from KCKCC in the spring in order to finish an AS degree by next fall, then looking at transferring to another school (likely Park University) to finish a bachelor’s degree in mathematics and possibly one in psychology. It’s quite possible I could get a full ride provided I keep my GPA up, and that’s good news.

Anyway, due to my heightened sense of emotion, some of my regrets have been popping into my head frequently, and I will have to take some action eventually. I need to make contact with a few people about things I have done or said that should have gone differently. I’m trying hard to make notes on my computer so I won’t forget what I need to do in the future.

In less important news, I am growing a beard and joining the local gym. I need to be in better shape and I think the beard looks pretty badass.

Finally, as a result of the memory loss, I am playing games with myself. Although I have forgotten many significant and memorable things and I cannot be trusted to be left alone, I can still have fun. I plan on buying Christmas gifts for everyone in my immediate family, including myself, that I will not remember but can still take credit for. It’s the perfect plan. I only wish I had thought of it sooner. Then again, maybe I did…