Jumping

I know it’s hard to get it up every time I have a suicide crisis, but try to feign interest for my sake.

Yes, I was close to attempting again. No, I did not do so. I went to a hotel in Kansas City with the intent of jumping out of the 19th floor. I was not properly committed, so I did not properly commit. I came back home after having disappeared for something like 20 hours. My family and I decided this was probably a pretty serious matter, so after meeting with my therapist and psychiatrist, I returned to Research Psychiatric Center, a mental hospital in a Kansas City.

After a 10-day stay and 3 ECT treatments, I am feeling much better and have returned home. I’m not working at KCKCC for the rest of the spring semester, but I am going to try finishing my 3 classes this spring and take one more this summer (public speaking) to finish an AA degree. I may also work there this summer (full time, even), depending on what I can figure out in terms of having stuff to do at work.

The plan in terms of mental health is somewhat more complex. I have to find a new therapist, because Dr. G doesn’t feel comfortable working with me right now (for some reason). I need to make a med change, which I haven’t done yet, under Dr. Owens’s direction. I think I’m going to switch from Pristiq to Cymbalta, keeping everything else the same. I will also be looking into maintenance ECT treatments, which means I will have to keep going back to Research every couple of months (6 weeks, I think).

I have no idea where to go from here. I’m hoping my AA will help me with shit and shit, but I don’t have any direction. My dream would be to write an animated TV series that I have sort of planned out, but I have no idea how to get started. I’m also enjoying the piano, which I’m playing a lot more lately as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to report in and let everyone know that I’m doing okay. Further news as events warrant.