Fucking Technology

For Japanese class, we’re expected to do a 4-5 minute skit entirely in Japanese. My group prepared our script, got it okayed by the teacher, and today we filmed the live-action parts. For an hour and a half. On a rented video camera. On DV tape.

After getting all of that done, one of my group mates returned the camera, and entrusted me with the sacred DV tape of might. I went to dinner with it (showing it a fantastic time, introducing it to all of my friends. I paid for the wine), and promptly went to Andersen Hall to get the video in a digitally manipulatable format. Lo, I discovered that while there appeared to be time codes in the first few minutes of the tape (which indicate that there was likely some kind of information written on it…maybe), it appeared to be blank. FUCKING. BLANK.

We had spent an hour and a half doing this, in addition to the cost of the tape and chocolate cigarettes (which are now gone. Let’s hope I can find a substitute if we re-film). Aghast, I denied what my eyes were telling me, and went to the twins’ room to see if they had a camera I could borrow (to verify the travesty). They didn’t, but they sent me to the library, which allegedly had one. At the library, the clerk told me that all of their video cameras were checked out, but they did have a computer that could read DV tapes. I pushed play, and pressed the “fast forward while playing” button. I had to hold it down for the duration of the tape (just in case), and was rewarded with plain ol’ blue screen. I decided that perhaps it would work if it were in a camera (let’s hope that is actually true, for it is my last hope).

So I went to Henzlik, where they also check out cameras (that makes no less than 3 buildings, campers), to see if they had any. After looking in the basement, which I could have sworn was where that place was, I went back to the ground floor and found it immediately. I should also add that I spent about 15 minutes wandering around Andersen Hall, also. Apparently Henzlik only checks out cameras from 9-5. If you’re reading this, Henzlik, then fuck you too. So I came back here and fumed. That was about 4 wasted hours (Dinner is retroactively wasted, because my whole evening is tainted).

I fucking hate technology. It has long annoyed me, partly because I like consistency and reason and technology betrays both. It seems consistent, but somehow fucks every thing up, and it seems reasonable on the surface, but is more emotional than PMS.

The moral is this:

1. Don’t borrow a video camera from the University. It’s only for 24 hours, and apparently it fucks up tapes. Dammit. Besides which, if you turn it in late, it’s $21 dollars an hour. I bet they round up, too. Borrow from a friend or have your own, because that way you can at least have a bit of flexibility. It isn’t as if anyone uses a camera that often, so you can ask nicely and probably borrow one. As a practical matter, if you do have to check one out from the university, use the library, because they’re open until 11:30pm on school nights.

2. DIGITAL FUCKING MEDIA. Not only should they be used (fuck tapes…right up the ass), but they should be fucking STANDARDIZED. If this camera had taken SD cards, I would have had like 4 different ones for it. But no, it took some fucking proprietary card that no one owns and would have to buy separately. Naturally, it’s cheaper to buy these god damned tapes than a stupid proprietary card, so of course you get the tape.

DV tapes are from the devil. If you own even one DV tape, then you have brought the devil into your life. Beg for repentance and destroy your camera. Get one that uses SD cards, and lend it to me. I have to film a Japanese project.

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