So, I went to KFC for some delicious fried chicken for dinner tonight. I got the “2-piece thigh and leg” with biscuit and Dr Pepper. In the process of consuming the thigh portion of the meal, I discovered what I can only assume was a chicken spine attached by breading to the thigh. Explain to me how a chicken spine becomes attached to a chicken thigh. Disgusting.

I wish I could say that I waxed philosophical about the whole thing, imagining for instance that all of the signals that passed through this particular spine were probably pain, because of the way that chickens are treated by this particular corporation. Instead, I thought “ew” and promptly separated all of the vertebrae. I also wish I could say I didn’t finish the rest of the chicken, but I did. However, I will take a stand right now and stop eating KFC for as long as my fat ass can survive without it.

Which brings me to my next point. Humans have long proven incapable of managing the planet. It’s time for a more mature, capable species to take over. Whales. Whales need to rise up with their flippers of might and forcefully reclaim the planet. The time is now.