(I entered this poem in a competition at WillyCon 2014 and it won second place! The other entries are listed here.)

 

Fatherhood

At approximately 7:20 PM

January 7, 2014,

my wife’s uterus unleashed

a monstrous abomination.

 

The creature made a sound

like a caged orangutan

and refused to stop,

even when I severed its lifeline.

 

It had become self-sufficient,

but still couldn’t position

its absurdly large head

without assistance.

 

Against my better judgement,

I allowed it into my home,

where it continues to plague

my entire existence.

 

At erratic intervals it craves

an alarming viscous fluid

that secretes from my wife’s breasts

throughout the day.

 

Its feces accumulate

in a bag around its waist

and must be discarded

or it never stops wailing.

 

Unless I manage to find

an appropriate means of escape,

I may be in real danger.

It keeps getting bigger.